We didn't hear the news we were praying for yesterday. I don't feel like writing a long blog post about it, so here is the short version.
We won't go to Ethiopia until at least May to meet Z and then we won't bring him home until at least July or August.
Yesterday I was extremely crushed and upset. Obviously, I long for my boy to be in my arms. However, that's not why I'm so upset. Our son needs to be home with his family. He needs to see our smiles and see that we won't leave him, he needs to hear us read to him, and he needs to play with his sister. He needs to start the process of attaching to his mommy, daddy, and sister. I don't want him to spend the next 9 months trying to attach to one caregiver after another. I want him to realize that he can trust us and that we will always be there for him.
When I look at his pictures I see a boy who is sad. Even my mom looked at our recent pictures and said something like, "Oh Kort..his eyes just look so sad." I know he is being taken care of and is healthy right now. The nannies are doing their best job to take care of him. But..it's nothing like the care a mommy and daddy can give him.
I'm sad for us..yes, of course. I dreamed of bringing him home in May and spending the entire summer off with Z and Olivia. I dreamed of hearing that we would get a court date in 2-3 weeks and that I would be kissing all over my sweet little Z at the end of March. I dreamed of feeling his chubby arms and seeing his smile (that is missing from his pictures). That, my friends, is not why I am upset.
I am upset that we saw him when he was 9 months old and that it could take another 9 months for us to bring him home. That is just not right. A child should not have to wait that long to go home to his forever family. He has been through so much in his short little life and he needs consistency.
So, when I say that I'm heart broken..it's not for me (okay..a tiny bit is for us:))..but for our son who won't know the love of a family for another 9 months.
Pray that the courts move quickly and that we can bring him home before July. In the meantime, pray that the nannies are loving on him like we would.
*I KNOW that we are extremely blessed to have a healthy daughter and a healthy son in Ethiopia. I KNOW that we are blessed that our kids aren't sick or that we are struggling with some other horrible life issue. Please know that.