Thursday, December 22, 2011

I wished for you...

It's been a few months since I've posted. We still don't have any news on our little boy. I wish we did. On Friday, our case worker said that they got news that a group of children are going to be given to CHI for referral. She said she doesn't know the sex, age, or when they are coming to CHI. I'm not getting my hopes up. Our agency said expect to wait for a referral for 3-9 months. It's just been 3 months since we sent our dossier to Ethiopia. Doesn't it seem longer than that!? We've been on this adoption journey for almost 10 months now. Plain and simple..I want my boy home. I don't know who he is, but I know that he needs his mommy (daddy and sister too!).
When I was pregnant with Olivia, everyone bought her stuff for Christmas. It's different this year because no one knows when our little guy will be home. We have no idea how old he will be or what size of clothes he will wear. Even though we don't know this information, Jeremiah and I still wanted to get him something for Christmas. We have his stocking hanging up in our living room, but we wanted a small gift for him too. I found this book called, I wished for you: An adoption story..
I went to the bookstore to see if there were any adoption books. I felt like a huge dork in the store because as I was reading this book, tears started running down my face. This book is the perfect gift. I started crying when I read these words. "A mama will grow a baby in her belly, and for all kinds of reasons, she'll decide she cannot be the very best mama she wants to be. The mama who grew you loved you enough to make a different wish-a wish for a family who would love her little one with a total and adoring love. The kind of love I have for you. When I first wished my wish I didn't know your name. Or if you'd be a boy or girl. But that didn't stop my wishing. I asked God to look around and find the child who would be the perfect one for me." One of my favorite parts says this, "Of all the children in the whole wide world, God picked you for me." I felt like this part of the book was written just for us..."I wished for you with my morning coffee, and when I made my bed. I couldn't get my wish for you out from in my head. I wished for you through many phone calls..and through mountains of paperwork. I wished for you while I waited and waited..and waited. Sometimes I didn't hear any news about you for wees or months. But I held onto my wish tightly-like the string on a balloon. During the waiting I would imagine you. I imagined what you'd look like, or what color your fur (it's about a bear) would be. I imagined you playing with your blocks and trains. I wondered, too, if you'd like soccer or piano or art projects."
Jeremiah and I are going to write a note in this book to our little guy. Even though he isn't here with us this Christmas, he is definitely in our hearts, prayers, and thoughts. We know that God is in control and that HIS plans are even better than ours. I can't wait to read this book to our little boy. That is, if I can get through it without crying.

*For our little boy to remain healthy and feel loved wherever he is.
*For our family to remain calm about our adoption journey.

1 comment:

  1. Prayers for you, Kortny. I can't imagine that aching heart for your little boy. I can't wait to see his face. Loved your Christmas card and the picture of Ethiopia. Hugs to you! XOXO